Letter To The Elders- Radhika Walia

Dear Elders,

I am a quintessential young adult, I believe in enjoying life by going out with my friends, hanging out, enjoying a good cup of coffee with an engaging conversation, spending time chilling and relaxing on the weekends, immersed in my mobile phone or my books. I don't enjoy "catching up" with my faraway relatives, nor do I love mingling in family functions. Now that we have established my likings and habits let's get to the main topic: mental health.

I know it's uncomfortable, or avoidable, or maybe even unnecessary but before you click on that cross and exit this site I just want to clear it up that it's not a personal attack to your ideology. Instead, it is an unequivocal dictation of my fundamental beliefs and grievances with today’s society. In these past months, as certain suicides as well as other cases of mental illnesses are on the rise, I have noticed divided opinions on whether they are 'real' or not. Firstly, allow me to say, mental health is not a term used to coddle our generation; it is not a trend, nor is it a hoax, and if you can’t trust this yet then for the sake of this letter, let’s assume it.

I understand that due to an unprecedented rise in various terms of mental health and psychological disorders you might have felt overwhelmed and also sometimes confused about this relatively new topic. I can understand when you say that "the terms are being thrown around a lot" because it might seem that way sometimes. But I hope you understand when I say that it doesn't take away from the ultimate and unavoidable urgency of this topic. I have gotten into many conversations where these concepts have been called "the latest fashion" and that is not acceptable-allow me to explain. When you say this you're probably thinking it’s just a concept created by our generation to make our lives easier by using them as excuses to hide behind; because mental illnesses didn't "exist" or were heard of this commonly in your times.

What you are unable to recall is that these concepts did exist during your times, and way before that, commonly related to people termed as insane, possessed, or demonic entities. Mental health, like any other movement, rose against the wrongful treatment of people who were merely suffering from extreme manifestations of an untreated disorder. So the next time you say that it's a trend or even a western influence, think of this way- we're just more aware now and hence can identify the issues with our mind. I promise you that we're not making this up; it's real. It's as real as respiratory syndromes, HIV, and other new-age diseases.

While we are on this topic, I must point it out to you that you are confusing normal emotions with mental disorders; they are two very different things, one requiring proper medical diagnosis and other being a normal transitory feeling that almost everyone feels in their life once or twice. Hence, depression is not equal to feeling sad or having a low point in life that someone can easily “bounce” back from, nor are anxious people “over dramatic”. A panic attack isn’t a ploy for seeking attention, nor is “psycho” or “psychopath” a word you can label every mentally ill individual with. Mental disorders are a professional diagnosis and nor are they something one should be ashamed of, neither are they labels or insults that can be used casually. I know these concepts are new and hence they might overlap and get used interchangeably, but the least you can do is not assume what you think we are feeling and instead acknowledge that we are going through a problem? Please resist the urge to instantly tap into the reservoir of generic bits of advice like “it's not a big deal" or “it’s just a phase, you don’t know what you’re feeling, it’ll go away on its own”. Please don’t deny us of our struggles that we know we are feeling.

I’m aware of the fact that at your time it wasn’t common to have such conversations with your elders, I understand why that might create a barrier right now, but we don’t ask you to be perfect or change yourself completely in a day after reading this letter. All I ask of you, respectfully, is that maybe, just maybe, we can give it a try? Start somewhere and build on from there? I think we all owe that to each other.

So if your children come to you or you notice that they are not feeling or behaving like they normally do for an outstretched period, get help. Mental disorders don't choose when to happen, or even who they will happen to, they are a combination of one's genetics, their mind structure and psychological being, AND and the surrounding environmental factors that they spend most of their time in- just like physical diseases and can hit anytime, from anywhere. In those times, it will make a world of difference to your child if he/she knows that you always have their back, no matter what.

Thank you for reading.